My toddler’s photographic masterpieces: A two-day retrospective

My wife and I upgraded our cellphones the other day. [Hold for applause]

Since we had a couple of extra devices around the house, we decided to let our 3-year-old have one. In what must have been a matter of seconds, he found the camera and set out to covertly capture everything that happened over the next 36 hours or so.

Hey! Why not help us make the internet a little funnier?

The next day, when my wife saw that she had received hundreds of updates on her new phone, we realized what he had been up to the whole time. Like everything else he does, it did not fail to entertain us.

I’ve selected a few key pieces from his fledgling portfolio and interviewed the artist himself for some exclusive commentary.

The Selfie Experimentation Period

Not satisfied with the standard smile or duck face, today’s featured artist found dozens of perspectives from which to capture his own visage. Asked for comment on the meaning of this series, he said: “That’s me!”

The Impressionist Period

This phase requires the observer to do some work. Is that first piece a reflection on man’s insignificance in a uncaring, unforgiving universe? Not according to the artist, who explains, “It’s a chocolate chip in the carpet.”

The Pop Culture Period


Like Warhol before him, our featured artist comments on a commercialized culture and media landscape. In addition to his favorite shows, he ventured into daddy’s office for the final composition to capture a glimpse of the dreaded news. “I don’t really like to watch that,” he declares of CNN when explaining this phase.

The Sellout Period


It happens to the best of them. And when artists become preoccupied with money, it’s easy to tell in their creations. Here we have a range of compositions, all with the same subject matter: Hard, cold cash (or Peter Piper Pizza tokens, as the case may be).

The Daddy Period


I must admit this is my favorite period — and it’s certainly not because I enjoy having my picture taken. But it was pretty touching to see myself from his perspective. The best part came when I asked why he took so many pictures of his daddy and he said: “I love you better of anything!”

The Feet Period


The ever-innovative artist discovered late in the project that his feet provided a nice balance to whatever he decided to throw in the floor. He didn’t have any quotes about this period … and I didn’t ask.

There were many more examples and a few other distinct periods represented within the scores of digital images. But I’m tired of making these collages and I should probably go check in on my little artist before he creates a more indelible masterpiece.

RELATED: Cleaning out my wallet: A journey


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